Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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