Whod you bang
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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