Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
