Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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