heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
