she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
