Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
