take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
