she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
