He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You dont lie about slip and slides
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
