I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
