I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
