Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i used baking grease as lip gloss
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
