so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
