Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
