billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The Olympian is in my bed
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
