it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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