I want to walk on stilts...naked
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
