I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
