Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
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