So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
