chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
