OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
