Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
