Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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