if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
