Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
