Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
