I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
