He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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