i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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