so that wasnt chicken after all
If that was your dad, he is hot
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
