I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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