Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
