Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
