Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
