also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
