Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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