i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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