why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
