My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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