i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
