Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
