haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
