I think I am morally bankrupt
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
