i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
