Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
