The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
