it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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