So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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