She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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