I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
