Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
