The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
