apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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